Lost lover
by Launch shinra
Summary: When Zexion was killed in an accident, Demyx struggled to carry on. A sad Zemyx one shot, inspired by Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley.


Not a song fic per se, but it was inspired by "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley, and for purposes of the story does have some of the lyrics in.

Warning: Mass amounts of sadness, language on Axel's behalf, death, Yaoi in the sweet form of Zexion x Demyx and mentions of Axel x Roxas.

Disclaimer: Square Enix owns Kingdom Hearts. So please don't sue me because I'm poor. Oh and I don't own the song or Jeff Buckley (how sad is it that he's dead?) On with the show! XP

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The hunched figure of young man with dirty blonde hair was visible on the front porch. The twenty-four year old leant against the wooden railing with an utterly lost expression adorning his pale features. Although his friends had tried, there was no comfort for this broken soul. His best friend and lover was gone. Dead. It seemed too hard to imagine that the person he had spent most of his life with would no longer be there. He'd never hear his gentle voice, witness another one of those rare but nonetheless stunning smiles or touch the silky soft skin ever again.

It was unreal. They were so in love. They had been best friends for almost twenty years, and lovers for six of those. They were going to marry and spend the rest of their lives together. Today would have been the day when they moved into their new house. Demyx had been ecstatic when Zexion had decided to surprise him with a visit to what could have been their new home. The house was amazing. It was provided a lot more much needed space than their apartment, and there was even a small garden with various kinds of flowers in the front. At the back of the house, the garden was even bigger, complete with a pond and a gazebo where the couple could have sat in the summer just enjoying each others company. But fate had not been so kind to them. Three weeks ago, Zexion had been involved in an accident on his way home from work.

And now, Demyx was but a shadow of his former bubbly, hyperactive self. To anyone who didn't know him, he was probably just another depressed man. But his friends knew. A huge piece of the blonde had crumbled away when the one person he truly loved had died in that crash, shattering his heart in the process.

Axel would often find his best friend staring into space, with a distant look in his pretty, blue eyes. He hadn't cried since the day the police officer had knocked on his door, bearing the tragic news that a drunk driver had sped through a red light, ploughing straight into Zexion's car. The sheer impact of the crash had caused horrific injuries to the slate haired youth and despite a frantic effort made by paramedics to resuscitate him, he had died at the scene. He had broken down completely and even though Axel had been there at the time to hold him, he felt too numb to feel anything. After that, he just stopped talking, barely acknowledging when the red head or one of his other friends spoke to him. He wouldn't sleep or eat either and his once muscular frame now looked gaunt and sickly.

The funeral had been a few days after the accident. Axel and Roxas had organised it, and phoned everyone Zexion had known, informing them of the unfortunate event. Demyx just didn't want to acknowledge the truth. But on the morning of the funeral, he had dressed in his black suit, and sat in the back of Axels red mustang staring blankly out of the window. At the cemetery, Zexion was buried under an old oak tree. When the group were growing up, there had been an oak tree in Zexion's back garden. He could often be found sitting in one of its branches reading. He had once told Axel and Demyx that it was his favourite place, because it was peaceful and served as a reminder of his grandfather, who had spent hours telling him numerous stories about the ancient beauty.

After Zexion's coffin had been buried, the mourners said their final goodbyes, and the small group of people returned to their cars, heading to the wake. The only figures that remained were Demyx and Axel, who had told Roxas to wait for him at the car.

"Demyx?" Axel gently placed a hand on his friends shoulder. "Are you alright?" No reply came from the blonde. "Oh, sorry…course not. Um…well, do you want me to wait for you?"

"No…" came to quiet reply. "…I just want to stay here for a while". The red head nodded before reluctantly turning to walk away.

"Well…we'll see you soon then…?" Demyx nodded, and Axel walked back to his car where his boyfriend awaited him. Demyx heard the sound of the engine disappear and turned his gaze back to his deceased lover's grave. He stared at the writing on the grave stone, reading it and then rereading it.

"Zexion Nomura. Born 17th may 1984. Died 14th July 2007. Age 23. Beloved son, friend and lover. Forever in our hearts. R.I.P"

He must have read the words at least fifty times before he no longer recognized the writing. His mind drifted to memories that the two had shared, all the while he stared at the stone. Seconds, minutes, hours passed and the blonde continued to stare at the grave of his lost love.

He didn't realise that it was beginning to get dark, or that the wind had picked up speed. He didn't notice the droplets of rain that landed on his body and then becoming heavier, pelting his body until he was soaked. And he didn't react when a jacket was wrapped around his fragile form. He didn't want to. He just wanted it all to go away. He didn't protest when a pair of strong arms wrapped under his knees and under his arm, lifting him effortlessly. He was carried back to the car, and carefully lain down across the back seat and covered in a warm blanket. His now dull blue eyes met with the worried emerald ones of Axel, before sleep claimed him.

Demyx stayed with Axel and Roxas after that. Neither of them minded because they just wanted to make sure that their friend was alright. After the first couple of days, Demyx seemed to come out of his shell a little. He was still heartbroken, but he began to speak again. Not much, but it was comforting enough for Axel and his young lover. That didn't last for long though. The drunk who had crashed into Zexion and killed him was taken to court. But in a massive failure by the justice system, he was given a six month sentence, two hundred hours community service and his license was revoked for five years. When the news reached the three young men, Axel was furious.

"How the fuck could they let that bastard get way with murder!? He killed Zexion, and all he gets is a fucking six month sentence and community service!?

"Axel, calm down, shouting about it isn't going to help!"

"But Roxy, it's a joke! Good people like Zexion get murdered and scum like that get away with it. We gotta appeal or something, I'm not letting him get away with this!" He turned to face Demyx who had remained quiet the entire time. "Dem, I promise I won't let him get way with it!"

But Demyx didn't say anything. He just continued staring into space. Then he got up, walked into the guest room and closed the door behind him. Axel tried to follow him, but his younger blonde grabbed his arm.

"Don't. Just leave him alone for awhile".

That was a week and a half ago, and Demyx hadn't spoken again. The news that the guy who had murdered his one true love would get away with such a pathetic sentence had hit him hard. It was bad enough that he would never see Zexion again, but his murderer could still live a fairly normal. All Demyx could do now was try to survive without having a complete mental breakdown. This was too much for him. He kept reliving certain moments of his life with Zexion, and then the moment when the police officer had come to the apartment.

Demyx sighed. He hadn't noticed that it had started to rain. He got up and headed back inside the house. He walked over to the stereo system, and turned on the radio. Walking to the kitchen, he poured himself a glass of juice and then headed back to the living room. The rain fell heavier and the wind howled as the huge droplets of water assaulted the windows. As soon as he sat on the sofa, the song had changed and he recognized the haunting melody that was playing on the radio. He froze.

"_Well baby I've been here before_

_I've seen this room and I've walked this floor_

_I used to live alone before I knew you_

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch_

_Love is not a victory march_

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

_Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah"._

When Zexion had asked Demyx to move in with him, the older man had squealed in delight before throwing himself at his love and giving him a bone crunching hug. It was what he had always dreamt of, and now his dreams were finally coming true. With the help of Roxas and Axel, they had moved all of Demyx's things into Zexion's apartment the following day. It was nice having somewhere to call their own, rather than having to return to separate places. Zexion had wanted his apartment to be Demyx's home. It was also more convenient for other reasons. They had shared that place for two years before deciding that they needed somewhere bigger. Demyx wanted to adopt one day, so it made sense having a large house with enough room for any future offspring. A place where they could raise a family and be happy together.

Demyx could feel the tears prickling his eyes as the memory of what should have been resided in his mind.

"_Well there was a time when you let me know_

_What's really going on below_

_But now you never show it to me do you?_

_And remember when I moved I you _

_And the holy dove was moving too_

_And every breathe we drew was hallelujah_

_Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah"._

The first time they had spent the night together was probably one of the best memories that Demyx had. They had waited because they had both had bad relationships in the past, and had been pressured into things they hadn't necessarily wanted. So when they were finally ready, they had taken that next step. That night had passed by in a flurry of sweet whispers, loving touches and gentle caresses. There weren't many events in his life that Demyx could call truly perfect, but that had been one of them. And it had made them stronger.

Hot tears ran down his pale cheeks as the memories came thick and fast, whilst the sad song continued its heart wrenching melody.

The day they had met. The day he confessed his feelings. That same day when Zexion admitted he felt the same. Their first kiss. Holding hands. The first time they made love. Moving in together. Zexion's eyes. His lips. His voice. His gentle touch. His beautiful smile. Zexion…

He hadn't cried since the day he found out Zexion was dead, but now he was struggling to breathe as he choked back the sobs of pent up sadness. His body shook violently as the unrelenting sobs consumed him.

"_Well maybe there's a god above_

_And all I ever learned from love_

_Was how to shoot at someone who out drew you_

_And it's not a cry you hear at night_

_And it's not somebody who's seen the light_

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

_Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah"._

It was too much for the boy to handle. He flew to the front door, which had just been opened by Axel. He was startled to see a blur of blonde hair bolt by him, but the only thing he registered was the sound of weeping.

"Demyx!" He shouted, but the blonde was already out of the gate, and running down the street as fast as he could. He dropped his things on the table, writing a quick note to his boyfriend, before running after Demyx.

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The rain pelted Demyx small form as he ran, not knowing where he was going. He didn't care though. He just wanted to get away. In his haste, he had forgotten his jacket and was consequently soaked. Eventually he slowed down to catch his breathe. The combination of sprinting and choking back tears had left him breathless, and he struggled to take in oxygen. He sat down on a nearby bench, before registering where he was.

The park. He had confessed to Zexion here. This place was where a lot of his happiest memories were conceived.

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"What was it you wanted to talk about Dem?" asked the slate haired youth. Demyx had brought him to the park because he wanted to tell him something, but now he had become quiet. The older youth remained silent.

"Dem?" No answer.

"Yoo-hoo, Dem?" Still no answer.

"Hello? Earth to Demyx? You still with me there?" Silence.

Zexion was starting to get worried. Demyx could never usually stay silent for more than five seconds due to his natural "I just ate 12 bags of sugar" personality, and here he was. Silent. Something was wrong.

"Demyx, what is it. You're starting to scare me man." Again, no answer. "Demyx?" Zexion gently touched the other boys shoulder, startling Demyx out of his thoughts.

"Dem, wha-"

"Zexy, I love you!" he blurted out. And you guessed it, silence. Demyx's eyes widened at what he had just said. All that planning, finding the perfect way to tell his best friend that he was in love with him, had just gone out of the window because he couldn't control his nerves. And worst of all, Zexion was just sitting there, not saying anything.

'I'm such a stupid idiot' he thought 'How could I even begin to think that he'd felt the same?'

As Demyx got up to leave, a small hand grabbed his wrist. He turned around, eyes focusing Zexion's. As he started to talk, Zexion placed his other hand over the blonde's mouth.

"Dem, just shush, okay? I…I love you too". And he smiled that beautiful smile which made Demyx's heart beat faster as he broke into a brilliant smile of his own.

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Axel ran as fast as he legs would carry him. He had to find Demyx. He didn't know exactly where his best friend would go, but he had a pretty good idea. He decided that he would hit the park first, and as luck would have it, he spotted the younger male sitting on a bench, with his arms wrapped round his knees and his head buried in his knees.

A sigh of relief washed over the red head as he slowly made his way over to his friend. Demyx, who was oblivious to his companion, was startled when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his shoulders. He could barely see who it was through his blurred eyes but he could make about a flash of bright red hair that only Axel sported. He hadn't wanted anyone to see him like this, but as he tried to pull away, Axel just drew him closer to him, cradling his body in a protective embrace. By now their clothes, skin and hair were completely sodden and Axel knew that if they didn't get out of the rain then they would catch pneumonia. But he didn't move because of the blonde who was now clinging to his jacket. The only sounds that could be heard were the rain and the sobs emitting from the other.

"Why?" Axel was shocked out of his thoughts by the quiet, defeated voice. Before he could answer, Demyx spoke again.

"Why'd he have to die Axel? Why'd he leave?" he cried out, as more sobs escaped his body.

"I don't know Dem. He would never leave you intentionally".

"But why? Why did it have to be him? H-he never did anything wrong! We were s-supposed to…w-we w-were going to live together. A-and we…w-we were going to be happy…a-and raise a f-family! Why did he have to die?"

"I'm so sorry Dem" Axel pulled his sobbing friend closer to him and tightening his embrace.

"Why couldn't it have been me…?

And in that moment, Demyx broke. He was completely exhausted, both physically and mentally and yet he continued sobbing. The mental breakdown he had been withholding now consumed him and it broken Axel's heart because he knew that his best friend would never be the same again. Yes, he might move on and carry on with his life. Maybe find someone else with time. But the old Demyx would never return. He had died with Zexion. His one true love. His light. He was never coming back.

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-sigh- that was depressing.Reviw please! They'll cheer me up.


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